Archive for the 'review' Category

American Pie 5

American Pie 5 - The Naked Mile

ok.. so I came across this download for American Pie 5…. so well, I downloaded it (torrents FTW!).  And well the the movie opens with the Stifler cousin killing his grandmother with a cumshot…. it kinda set the tone of what to expect. I really really really thought it was gunna be a cheap exploitation of the American Pie franchise with a flow of brainless, lowest-common denominator flow of bad sex, toilet and midget jokes. As its turns out it was a cheap exploitation of the American Pie franchise with moderately funny to guiltily-outright funny flow of brainless, lowest-common denominator flow of bad sex, toilet and midget jokes. Sorry.. “little people’.

Still I would pan this movie, except it had the more boobies and naked college chicks of any post -Ridgemont-high-school movie short of an actual Girl Gone Wild video.

ie…Movie Hata says: WOOT!! Boobies!! Tastleless humor fun!!   Here’s to American Pie 6!! ROFL.


Since it seems this movie for some crazzzy reason doesn’t have an official trailer… here’s a fan made one:

and a nice highlight vid complete with plenty of boobies and midgets…sorry “little people”.

“what is this Enter the Midget?!” ROFLCOPTER.


The Number 23


Official Movie Site:
Theatrical Release: February 23, 2007   DVD Release: July 24, 2007
Movie Length:  1 hour 35 minutes

Starring Jim Carrey and directed by Joel Schumacher

The Number 23 Trailer:

So i rented this move the other day and just let me say….This movie is god awful. the acting is crap, the story is crap, everything about it is crap. I have no idea how I made it through this movie without turning it off. I’m gonna keep this short as there is nothing good to say. The fact that Jim Carrey has numerous sex scenes in this movie should tell you to stay away…lol. I can tell you one thing……I thought of atleast 23 ways to kill myself during this so called movie

Overall: This hata says stay away from this garbage


The Bourne Ultimatum


Official Movie Site:
Release: August 3rd, wide
Movie Length:  1 hour 51 minutes

Starring Matt Damon and directed by Paul Greengrass

The Bourne Ultimatum trailer:

Ultimatum continues and finishes the story of Jason Bourne. It picks up right where supremacy left off…..grabbing hold of you and not letting go.  Spectacular chase and fight scences along with plenty of plot and character develepment make this movie a must see. It answers all questions left from the previous movies and is a fitting end to a great trilogy. My only complaint is the whole shaky cam thing is over used in this movie. it works well in the action sequences…giving it a more realistic feel. But there was no need to use it during conversation scenes….that was just

Overall:  The Bourne Ultimatum gets this movie hatas stamp of leetness.

D-War (디워)

Official Movie Site:
Korean Opening: August 1, 2007
US release: September 2007 (subject to change).. hopefully never.
Watchable Time: 10 minutes
Actual Movie Length: 10 minutes–the rest shouldn’t be called a movie. 



(which is isn’t that bad….too bad its 100x better than the actual movie).

REVIEW (from a Korean in Korea who saw it):
I’m Korean and in Korea. I saw this last night… and it was HORRIBLE. bad acting, insultingly bad dialogue, no character development, mistakes/holes in plot and edit and flow everywhere. Bad in the bad way..NOT the bad in the b-movie good way. So many problems its too long to list… far easier to say what was GOOD:

  • CGI was sufficient, if not necessarily groundbreaking.
  • The FINAL dragon looks cool.
  • Snake-dragon on the skyscraper looks cool.
  • Old lady walking into wall was funny
  • It’d make a cool video game.

Otherwise…the best I could say for this movie is it was like REALLY REALLY good Power Rangers movie.

BUT PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT ASSOCIATE THIS WITH KOREAN MOVIES and please do NOT think all koreans are blinded by nationalism to suppor this movie. Only the my fellow korean morons are outspoken about saying this movie is anything but amatuer night it is. At best, I can say it was a like a really good Power Rangers episode–in which case…GREAT JOB!! rofl. It is a Blockbuster for sure.. BLOCKBUSTER VIDEO RENTAL, that is.

Go see Oldboy, the Host, or Shilmido for decent Korean movie representations or some good examples of campy Korean goofy b-movie fun are My Wife Was A Gangster or Volcano High.

OVERALL:  Movie Hata says — I’d listen to his advice.  Just watch the last dragon and city battle highlights once someone inevitably posts it on youtube or somewhere or as commented:

“10 minutes ok/good Dragon CGI vs 100 minutes of please-stab-me-in-the-face-movie-torture… YOU DECIDE!!!”

ROLF.  that about sums it up.